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Dear Prudence is online play to chat live with readers connected Mondays astatine noon ET. Here’s an edited transcript of this week’s chat.

Q. Is That Bill Tuttle In My Bedroom?: My different charming, generous, loving woman makes a spitting sound during her bony brushing regular that I would different presume came from a 1950s shot prima with chewing baccy sliding into his throat. I cannot overstate however large and phlegmy it is, oregon the information that it is audible from each locations successful some her flat and mine. I person tried getting further distant during her regular but it’s besides audible from the hallway. I emotion her precise overmuch and person mildly asked her to code it down (normal spitting is fine!) but she says she ne'er feels her teeth/mouth aren’t cleanable unless she’s done it. Words cannot explicit however overmuch this wont has grossed maine retired and turned maine off. Tips connected coming to bid with it, oregon getting her to adjust?

A: Well, congratulations—and nary convey you!—on the vivid writing. I tin perfectly HEAR this noise, conscionable from the statement successful your letter. And it’s not pleasant. I consciousness for you. It sounds unbearable.

As a wide rule, you shouldn’t marque rules—or adjacent requests—about what radical bash and what noises they marque successful the bathroom. Your woman isn’t engaging successful her repulsive phlegm regular astatine the meal table. The bathroom, with the doorway closed, is the due spot to beryllium gross. Even successful a tiny flat with bladed walls. You’ll privation to person this knowing successful spot adjacent clip you person the tummy flu.

But there’s bully news! Tooth brushing mostly happens astatine precise predictable times during the day. Simply fig retired erstwhile she’s heading into the bath to bash her thing, and popular immoderate headphones connected until the snot-spitting symphony is over.

Q. Frustrated About Food: My person is trying to marque it arsenic an histrion and is ever talking astir however she needs to suffer value to get roles. When we spell retired to devour together, she often makes comments astir however she can’t devour this happening oregon that due to the fact that of immoderate restrictive fare she’s pursuing lately. It makes maine uncomfortable whenever she talks astir needing to suffer value due to the fact that I consciousness similar erstwhile I don’t accidental thing to disagree, I’m silently condoning each these damaging ideas astir needing to beryllium thinner. On the different hand, if I bash accidental I don’t deliberation there’s thing incorrect with her weight, she tells maine that I don’t recognize due to the fact that I’m not an actor, and there’s adjacent much unit successful acting than successful nine successful wide for women to beryllium ace thin, which I’m definite is true! But I consciousness unspeakable letting her accidental these things astir herself, and portion of maine is disquieted that these ideas astir restricting nutrient and needing to suffer value could make into an eating disorder. Should I beryllium trying to reason with her erstwhile she says these things adjacent though I cognize she’s dormant acceptable against changing her mind? Should I conscionable judge that this cognition is 1 of the occupational hazards of the occupation she’s chosen? Should I conscionable caput my ain concern and not remark connected it?

A: You don’t person to argue or suffer silently erstwhile your person makes comments that marque you uncomfortable. You tin bash thing close successful the mediate of those 2 options, which is to archer her however you feel. This is wholly tenable territory for 2 radical who attraction astir each other, particularly fixed that she’s the 1 repeatedly introducing the topic.

How astir thing similar this the adjacent clip she announces that she can’t devour the croutons successful her crockery due to the fact that they person excessively galore carbs: “We’ve talked earlier astir however I don’t deliberation there’s thing incorrect with your weight, and you’ve made it wide that I don’t recognize the unit you consciousness arsenic an actress. But I inactive consciousness truly unspeakable erstwhile I perceive you accidental these antagonistic things astir yourself. So if you privation to accidental them, you can, and I won’t reason with you, but I privation to marque definite you cognize that doesn’t mean I hold that you request to beryllium dieting—it conscionable means I cognize it’s not my concern and I don’t privation to walk our clip unneurotic debating it.”

Hopefully this—combined with responding to aboriginal comments astir her eating habits with a blank look and sip of water—will instrumentality attraction of things.

Q. Not Your Life Coach: I americium a rising elder successful precocious school, and a mates that my parents are friends with (along with their 14-year-old daughter) volition not halt bombarding maine with college-related questions. Most of it is proposal for their daughter, but they telephone and substance astatine slightest each fewer days. Most of the time, they could look up the answers connected the net themselves, but they spot maine arsenic their one-stop store for each their schooling needs. I recognize that checking with maine lets them and their girl consciousness much successful control, but I bash not person endless amounts of time! I person tried remedying the concern by not ever taking their calls oregon telling them however engaged I am, but present they person started intruding into my assemblage applications and the full concern is stressing maine out. I’m ever blessed to help, but this is excessively much! I’m conscionable a kid, not a paid nonrecreational waiting by the telephone for their call.

A: For 1 of the past times successful your life, you’re inactive a kid, and you tin walk this 1 disconnected to your parents. Take vantage of that. Ask them to archer their friends to delight laic off. If they don’t, you tin acceptable a bound by being politely unhelpful. By that I mean, don’t respond to “Where bash we motion our girl up for the SAT?” until you person time— ideally, galore weeks later—and astatine that constituent say, “I’m atrocious for the dilatory reply. I’ve been truly engaged with schoolhouse and haven’t been capable to get to this! I anticipation you were capable to look up an answer!”

Q. Sincerely, a Chicken: My fellow and I person been dating for a fewer months now, and honestly, it’s the champion narration I’ve ever had, but sometimes it seems excessively bully to beryllium true. We met online and haven’t seen each other’s faces. I’ve heard his dependable and he’s heard excavation and we’ve adjacent made plans for the aboriginal (like wherever to unrecorded and jobs we want). He’s truthful benignant and shy but sometimes I get 2nd thoughts due to the fact that it seems excessively perfect. I conscionable don’t privation to ruin this but I don’t privation to beryllium made to look similar a fool and person my bosom broken.

A: I privation you to marque a large propulsion to FaceTime, Zoom, GoogleMeet, Facebook messenger chat with video, oregon thing that volition fto you spot that your fellow is who helium says helium is. There are options. Many, galore options. But you cognize that. In the meantime, spell binge a play oregon 2 of the MTV show, Catfish, which is each astir radical who are readying a beingness with idiosyncratic they’ve ne'er laid eyes on. And I’m atrocious to accidental it usually doesn’t extremity well. Then perceive to what your gut is telling you. Wanting love—and wanting it capable to place immoderate reddish flags—is thing to beryllium ashamed of. But our extremity is to get you to a real-life aboriginal with a real-life person. And if it’s not going to beryllium with this idiosyncratic you’re talking to online, it’s clip to determination connected to idiosyncratic who doesn’t marque you disquieted astir looking similar a fool.

Q. That’s Not My Name: My co-worker, Ron, is incredibly annoying to enactment with. He’s the slowest idiosyncratic connected our team, helium consistently mispronounces my name, and helium is ace needy some emotionally and successful presumption of asking questions that helium should cognize the reply to. My manager is ne'er going to bash thing astir this due to the fact that helium is fundamentally competent-ish astatine the occupation and due to the fact that 1 of our biggest clients, inexplicably, loves him. Recently, I recovered retired that he’s progressive with a section subdivision of an enactment that’s stigmatized—something on the lines of the Satanists. I genuinely don’t attraction astir this. I lone recovered retired due to the fact that my person is besides a member. But I deliberation my manager would attraction rather a lot, and this could yet beryllium the happening that gets him gone. Would it beryllium ethical for maine to rat him retired for this? The antheral gets my sanction incorrect virtually each day.

A: Do you person a quality resources portal astatine work? Can you log successful and cheque to spot however galore abrogation days you person left? However galore determination are, instrumentality them! If determination aren’t any, I deliberation you person a sniffle. Take immoderate sick time. You desperately request immoderate abstraction from your enactment situation and accompanying frustrations.

I anticipation that with immoderate clip away, you volition spot that the due effect to a co-worker who gets your sanction incorrect is to close him—or judge that he’s a rude idiosyncratic and it’s not idiosyncratic and determine not to discarded immoderate much vigor reasoning astir him. And the close effect to a co-worker who asks questions helium should cognize the reply to is to accidental you’re engaged and nonstop him to your manager. You bash not effort to get him fired for thing stigmatized successful his idiosyncratic life. You conscionable don’t. Enjoy your intelligence wellness break.

Re: Q. Is That Bill Tuttle In My Bedroom?: I’m definite that you besides marque awful, disgusting gag-inducing sounds successful the bathroom, but your woman respects your close to marque them. You volition ne'er find anyone who isn’t gross successful the bathroom—that is the quality of bathrooms and quality beings. Please get implicit yourself.

A: Yes, erstwhile again, if you’re going beryllium gross (and we each are astatine immoderate point) the bath is the spot to bash it.

Re: Q. Is That Bill Tuttle In My Bedroom?: I deliberation this is unintentional, but the missive writer seems to beryllium taking a precise gendered presumption of teeth brushing. Unfortunately, each consecutive men yet larn that their precise charismatic girlfriends are really humans nether the angelic facade. Prudie offered immoderate precise applicable advice, but you mightiness bash good to enactment done these hang-ups wherein mean behaviour is “a turn-off.” Trust me, adjacent if she changed this for you (and she should not bash that) thing other would travel up. Take her disconnected the pedestal, crook connected the fan, and judge your partner’s harmless quirks.

A: Hmm, I deliberation I was speechmaking it arsenic idiosyncratic who is simply a pistillate and is disgusted by galore rima and sinus-related noises truthful I didn’t spot it arsenic gendered. BUT you whitethorn beryllium onto thing here. It’s worthy reasoning astir this, LW, and whether you person immoderate arsenic gross behaviors that you expect her to accept.

Jenée Desmond-Harris: We’re going to wrapper things up here. Thanks, everyone! Talk to you adjacent week.

More Advice From Slate

My hubby and I person a emotion communicative to rival a Disney princess’s. We pass well, stock the workload, spell connected plentifulness of dates, person amusive with our 2 children (8 and 9 years old), and dainty each different kindly. We stock akin interests (but inactive person our ain hobbies and identities) and are ever flirting and complimenting each other. But determination is 1 happening missing successful our marriage: sex. I conscionable can’t bash it.