Saturday’s conclusion to Pokémon GO Fest 2022 saw the accomplishment of a clutch of Ultra Beasts, the invited extremity to the god-awful Rhi storyline, and astir importantly, the instrumentality of Professor Willow aft an ill-advised people of amerciable steroids.

During June’s opening play of GO Fest, Willow mysteriously disappeared into an ultra-wormhole that appeared successful the sky, and was replaced by Rhi, immoderate benignant of bloody robo-man from different dimension, a subordinate of the GO Ultra Recon Squad. We past suffered 3 months of Community Days and Special Research with this quality astatine the helm, wherever the postulation brains astatine Niantic decided to person him talk successful the astir obfuscatory language, ensuring nary kid playing the crippled would person a hint what helium was gibbering connected about. But finally, Willow is back! Hoorah! Except, um, he’s had immoderate enactment done, and a psyche removed.

Willow has ne'er been unpleasant connected the eye. A astir charismatic young man, helium antecedently ever leaned into the camera, a wry grin connected his face, with warm, soft, beauteous eyes. Beautiful, brownish eyes, into which you could descend and descend and sink... I’m sorry. However, nary substance however beauteous helium was, helium inactive drivelled connected the aforesaid abysmally written bullshit dialogue, making it truthful unbelievably hard to similar him. Shhhh, Professor Willow. Shhhhhh. Just shhhhhh.

I had hoped for Prof Willow to get backmost a gibbering wreck, sunken hollow eyes, eyes that person seen horrendous sights helium could ne'er explain. We’d cognize wherever he’d been had breached him successful a mode that could ne'er beryllium fixed. Instead, it appears helium was spending the summertime astatine Stan’s Discount Reconstruct-U-Good, “Facial country and utilized cars for each the family.” And he’s not OK.

It’s genuinely hard to enactment into words wherefore I find the caller Willow so...sinister. Clearly the power from a bully brace of glasses to immoderate ostentatious “LOOK AT ME!” goggles isn’t a large start. (We should beryllium grateful helium isn’t wearing a steampunk apical hat, I suppose.) But it’s possibly the hardening of each those features, the all-new squared disconnected butt-chin, and, portion not comedically horrifying, a deficiency of immoderate look successful his eyes. He conscionable looks bored, bored by your anserine tendency to person him archer you to cod 10 fire-type Pokémon, similar he’s conscionable had capable of this shit. Too overmuch of this shit.

That small crease that utilized to beryllium beside his grin was erstwhile a hint of cheekiness, a small wryness that suggested helium excessively knew that helium should beryllium doing amended than pretending he’s ne'er seen a Galarian Ponyta before. Now, acceptable further near and somewhat down, it looks similar the opening of a grimace, similar a teacher starting their seventh caller schoolhouse year.

Old Willow wanted to beryllium our friend, and was trying possibly a small to hard. New Willow is inwardly sighing that we’re inactive here, wondering erstwhile helium tin spell backmost to his real friends.

The net was speedy to respond to this peculiar change. From my extended research, I’d accidental sentiment is divided astir precisely down the middle, with fractional expressing immoderate dehydration levels of thirst, with others (correctly) decrying the change. “Why does Professor Willow look similar he’s my dada that near maine arsenic a kid and has travel backmost years aboriginal with a motorcycle and a caller woman and is trying to reconnect with maine successful my teenage years?” asked @lilfishsong. “Excuse me, wherefore the hellhole is Professor Willow a saccharine biker babe flashing Blue Steel successful the update?” questioned @OhSynapse.

THEORY: All is not alright. This isn’t Professor Willow. This is an imposter from the different broadside of the wormhole, present for nefarious purposes. Beyond conscionable the information that he’s staring astatine maine similar he’s wondering what my spleen mightiness sensation like, there’s different hint hidden wrong the game. Go to the News tab, and click on, “Coming September 1, 2022: The Season of Light” and you’ll not get the accustomed summary of the communicative with a nexus to the blog, but alternatively a azygous sentence. It reads,

Keep an oculus retired for Professor Willow...

This past links to the YouTube video below, which is filled with astronomical clues to upcoming Pokémon successful the caller season, and...no notation of Willow astatine all.

Yeah. Keep an oculus connected him. Because he’s not right. He’s dormant inside. He is going to termination america all.