When Square-Enix, 1 of the astir celebrated games publishers successful the world, announced that it was going to be delving into the satellite of NFTs—even arsenic the satellite of NFTs crashed and burned astir it—gamers were acrophobic astir conscionable however their games, everything from Final Fantasy to, uh, *checks notes* Various Daylife, could beryllium affected. It turns retired the archetypal steps are infinitely stupider than perchance imagined.

Square-Enix’s archetypal tentative foray into NFTs has begun not with its games, but its merchandise, starting with 3 Final Fantasy VII collectibles successful the “Bring Arts” enactment of posable enactment figures. Sure, Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith person had a zillion chill toys before, but these ones really effort to straight construe the iconic conception plan enactment by Tetsuya Nomura for the archetypal PlayStation game, successful 3D form.

They are, possibly each the much infuriating fixed the circumstances, incredibly cool. It’s benignant of astonishing conscionable however overmuch like Nomura’s art they look, and rendered successful a implicit signifier it’s astir similar a fascinating blend betwixt the classic, spiky, chunky polygonal aesthetic the archetypal PlayStation was susceptible of successful 1997, and the much realistic renditions of them we’ve seen successful VII’s caller Remake. As idiosyncratic who loved FFVII arsenic a child, grew distant from it, and past realized conscionable however peculiar it is to maine again playing Remake, I would bargain these successful an instant.

Except for the information that they each travel with a “Digital Certificate of Authenticity” that is successful fact, conscionable an NFT. The strategy requires collectors to motion up for a wallet with the Enjin blockchain network, and there’s adjacent a “Digital Plus” mentation of each fig you tin get that, for an accrued cost, lets you redeem an NFT that gives you entree to a 3D replica of the fig viewable successful the existent satellite done an augmented world site. You can’t conscionable bargain the figures themselves—both versions travel with the NFT. And if you bargain the fig and simply take not to registry for a wallet, the token not lone inactive exists for that fig successful the archetypal place, you’re besides paying mode much for thing astatine all—each FFVII Bring Arts fig costs $130, portion emblematic releases earlier this person outgo astir $85-$100. That’s a batch other for thing that you don’t want!

The absurdity of it each oregon the shittiness of the mandatory token itself is 1 thing, but what makes this adjacent much bizarrely dumb arsenic Square-Enix’s archetypal tentative foray into the blockchain hypewagon is doing it with characters from Final Fantasy VII. It’s a crippled astir a radical of extremist eco-terrorists, Avalanche, and their allies who emergence up against the meglomaniacal megacorporation Shinra, who spell astir bombing their powerfulness factories due to the fact that they are virtually over-harvesting the precise beingness unit of their satellite arsenic an vigor resource, hastening the accelerated deterioration of the world. Sure, sure, eventially VII goes the mode of astir RPGs and you’re having elephantine meteors summoned to destruct the satellite and what person you, but astatine its core, it’s fundamentally a communicative astir the environment, and the radical huffy capable astatine the systems and structures astir them to combat to prevention it.

Cloud, Aerith, and Tifa would archer you to halt wasting your Gil and shove that NFT wherever the prima doesn’t shine. Or they would, erstwhile these figures yet travel retired successful outpouring 2023. Guess you conscionable person to anticipation Enjin is inactive astir astatine that point, which fixed the existent authorities of the crypto market, mightiness not precisely beryllium the safest guarantee.

Want much io9 news? Check retired erstwhile to expect the latest Marvel and Star Wars releases, what’s adjacent for the DC Universe connected movie and TV, and everything you request to cognize astir House of the Dragon and Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power.