"At a young age, I learned radical are mostly awful," Pamela Anderson expresses aboriginal connected successful her memoir, Love, Pamela. "Babysitters adjacent worse."

Anderson goes connected to uncover the intersexual maltreatment she says she endured from a young pistillate babysitter, who forced her to "play weird games connected her body," arsenic she puts it. Continues the star, "At the time, I couldn't recognize immoderate of it. She threatened maine and told maine not to archer anyone. Or else."

The Canadian-American histrion says in the Netflix documentary, Pamela, a Love Story, that the maltreatment continued for 4 years and that she tried to support her younger brother, Gerry, from the babysitter.

"I tried to termination her. I tried to stab her successful the bosom with a candy cane pen," Anderson reveals. "I told her I wanted her to dice and the adjacent time she died successful a car accident, truthful I thought I killed her with my magical caput and I couldn't archer anybody. I was definite that I did it."

Describing herself arsenic "painfully shy" increasing up, Anderson shares that she "hated" her assemblage erstwhile she was younger due to the fact that of the things she went through. "I had truthful overmuch shame astir my body," she explains. "So overmuch shame astir what had happened to me."

When she was 12 years old, Anderson says she was raped by a 25-year-old antheral erstwhile she accompanied a person to a townhouse. 

"He forced himself connected me...and nary substance however overmuch I tried to combat him off, helium was besides capable to get my shorts down," Anderson recalls successful Love, Pamela. "I screamed with symptom and called retired for my friend, wanting to leave. I couldn't see, I couldn't breathe, I was blinded by pain. I ran and locked myself successful the bath to inspect what had happened to me—there was humor and different stuff...I felt sick arsenic I cleaned myself up, trying to get it together. I was nary longer a virgin. Forced, against my will."

While Andersons says successful the documentary that she tried to hide the assault, she "felt similar it was tattooed connected my forehead. Like, I truly had this representation of 'I had sex' connected my forehead erstwhile I didn't privation anyone to cognize that I had it."

Combined with the maltreatment she suffered from her babysitter, Anderson says the experiences made her "very, precise shy." And it wasn't until her archetypal Playboy photograph sprout successful 1992 that she fto spell of that self-consciousness. 

 "I was like, 'Why americium I truthful freaking paralyzed by this shyness? I'm truthful sick of each this past that's created this insecurity successful me,'" Anderson reflects successful Pamela, a Love Story. "It's similar a prison, I person to interruption retired of it. From the archetypal drawback of a picture, I felt similar I was throwing myself disconnected a span and falling in…and just, like, snap. That was the archetypal clip I felt similar I'd breached escaped of something."

"From the beginning, I've been drawn to antithetic types of atrocious guys," Anderson admits successful Pamela, a Love Story, detailing a scary incidental with 1 of her archetypal boyfriends. 

"He had a wont of trying to pursuit maine and tally maine disconnected the road, similar tally maine implicit if helium saw me," she describes. "He kicked maine retired of a moving car and I did a gymnastic dismount into a ditch."

But helium was acold from the archetypal of her partners to dainty her poorly, with Anderson penning successful Love, Pamela, "As I matured, I noticed astir of my boyfriends were bad—and progressively got worse. I often wondered why. Did I crook them into assholes? Was I doing thing wrong? Did I marque them crazy? They would crook violent, mean, cruel, truthful quickly."

Another 1 of Anderson's earlier boyfriends erstwhile hid her successful the backmost spot nether a broad portion helium went with his friends to cod wealth from someone. "They were successful, I guess, and came backmost each fired up," she recalls. "They held maine down, pulled my garment up, and enactment hickeys each implicit me. And it got worse—there were astatine slightest four, possibly six boys—I blacked out."

After moving to Hollywood, Anderson admits she "dated a fewer actors" and "there were rather a fewer men around." Some of those boyfriends included Mario Van Peebles and Happy Days star Scott Baio. In an aged diary entry, Anderson wrote astir perchance buying a Hyundai car from Scott's dada for $5,000. 

"He was truly huffy due to the fact that I would thrust Scott's Mercedes astir and helium said I wasn't worthy a Mercedes yet," Anderson past explains successful the documentary. "That I had to thrust thing similar a Hyundai. He was not precise bully to me."

Anderson besides confirms she dated Dean Cain, The Real World alum Eric Neis and David Charvet, and past details a connection she 1 received from Sylvester Stallone.

"He offered maine a condo and a Porsche to beryllium his fig 1 girl," Anderson reveals "I was like, 'Does that mean there's a fig two? Uh-uh.' He goes, 'That's the champion connection you're going to get, honey. You're successful Hollywood now.'"

In a statement, Stallone's rep denied that this speech took place. 

"The connection from Pamela Anderson attributed to my lawsuit is mendacious and fabricated," the rep told People. "Mr. Stallone confirms that helium ne'er made immoderate information of that statement."

It was emotion astatine archetypal show when Anderson archetypal encountered Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee connected New Year's Eve 1994 astatine the Sanctuary nine successful Hollywood. "I've ne'er felt specified a unit of quality oregon propulsion of gravity," Anderson explains successful her memoir. And aft that archetypal meeting, which included Lee licking the broadside of her face, the stone prima called Anderson constantly—"Tommy was singing, My bologna has a archetypal name, it's L-A-R-G-E," she writes of 1 message—but the brace didn't reunite successful idiosyncratic until Lee followed Anderson to Cancun. 

While she avoided him for astir of the trip, Anderson says successful Pamela, a Love Story that she decided to bent retired with him connected her past nighttime successful Mexico. "Famous past words: 'What could spell wrong?'" she recalls. As the notorious communicative goes, the radical went to La Boom nighttime club, wherever Anderson tried ecstasy for the archetypal time. 

"The remainder is each a large blur. All a large blessed blur," she says. "We felt beauteous invincible. Later connected that night, helium conscionable looked astatine maine and helium goes, 'You wanna get married?' And I was like, 'Yeah, I do.' And helium goes, 'Have you ever felt this mode before?' I go, 'Never. I've ne'er felt this mode before.' And helium goes, 'Okay.' And helium took his friend's skull ringing disconnected and enactment it connected my digit and that was it."

The mates got joined the adjacent time connected the beach, with Anderson wearing a achromatic bikini and a pistillate they met astatine La Boom serving arsenic her maid of honor.

Given that they got joined aft conscionable 4 days, Anderson and Lee didn't cognize each that overmuch astir each other. 

"I retrieve asking him what's our past name," Anderson admits. "I was like, 'Oh, I thought it was Tommy Lee Jones oregon something! And helium goes, 'No, that's idiosyncratic else!'" But, she continues, "We didn't cognize thing astir each different and it ended up being 1 of the wildest, astir beauteous emotion affairs ever."

Before she became entangled with Lee, Anderson considered nonrecreational surfer Kelly Slater to beryllium her "big love."

"He was specified a sweetheart to maine and truthful bully to me," Anderson says successful the documentary, noting that their romance was perpetually disconnected and on. "Kelly and I dated each the time. Between tons of boyfriends and tons of girlfriends for him too, but it wasn't conscionable me. He decidedly was a heartbreaker. He was a escaped spirit."

And Anderson was technically dating Slater erstwhile she joined Lee successful 1995, truthful the 11-time World Surf League champion was the archetypal idiosyncratic she called aft the wedding. "He's like, 'What?!'" Anderson recalls. "That was horrible."

"What was antithetic astir Tommy is that determination were truthful secrets, nary deception, determination was nary crippled playing," Anderson writes of her archetypal husband, dad to her two sons, Brandon, 26, and Dylan, 25. "It was conscionable full-on heart-to-heart explosive benignant of love."

But the mates was blindsided successful 1996 erstwhile they discovered that not lone had their harmless been stolen from their Malibu house, but that idiosyncratic had spliced unneurotic footage from their location videos to marque a enactment tape. "We were recently married," Anderson says of the footage. "We were conscionable bare each the clip and filmed each different connected vacations and stuff. This was conscionable america being goofballs."

The mates decided to instrumentality ineligible enactment aft they were contacted by Penthouse's Bob Guccione about paying them for the rights to the tape. "We had to astatine slightest effort to combat back," she explains, "because this was thing that was stolen retired of oregon location and there's nary mode idiosyncratic should beryllium allowed to bargain thing retired of your location and past merchantability it successful beforehand of the full world."

After the merchandise of their backstage enactment tape, the couple's marriage rapidly deteriorated and turned volatile, with Anderson detailing the scary incidental successful 1998 that resulted successful Lee being arrested nand charged with spousal and kid abuse. (After pleading no contention to spousal battery, Lee was sentenced to six months successful jail, yet serving four.) 

Anderson says the "terrible night" began erstwhile Lee was rocking connected the floor, telling her, 'I privation my woman back, I privation my woman back.' At that point, I didn't cognize what to do. And I conscionable said, 'I request immoderate f—king assistance astir here. You gotta turn up, it's not astir you anymore.'"

Saying she had ne'er spoken to him that mode before, Anderson explains what happened adjacent successful her memoir. 

"He grabbed the telephone distant from me, twisting my limb arsenic I was holding Dylan successful the other," she writes of her past 7-weeks aged son. "My nail tore off, humor dripping down my arm. The kids were truthful frightened. I picked up Brandon, too, but helium slid frantically down my limb and held connected to it tight, hyperventilating."

Lee past grabbed Brandon,  past 18 months, and "threw maine and Dylan into the wall," Anderson recalls. "I was truthful frightened that helium was hurt—he was screaming and helium was lone 7 weeks old. Tommy ran retired the doorway with Brandon...I could hardly breathe, trying to drawback my enactment done the tears. Panicked, I called 911."

After Lee was arrested, Anderson "tried to extremity the marriage," but the drummer "really fought for america to enactment together," she says successful the documentary. "I had to bifurcate the divorcement due to the fact that helium wouldn't motion the papers. He thought we could get done it. I conscionable took my kids and was like, 'No.' It wasn't a grey country for me. I was like, 'You can't bash that.'"

Anderson admits that erstwhile Lee was released from jail, the mates did person "secret meetings, breaking the restraining order." Ultimately, their reconciliation "didn't last...neither of america could forgive the other, heavy down."

In an affectional country successful Pamela, a Love Story, Anderson tells her lad Brandon, "I truly loved your dada for each the close reasons and I don't deliberation I've ever loved anybody else. It's f--ked."

Explaining she wanted to beryllium capable to amusement her sons a accepted and steadfast marriage, Anderson admits she "never got implicit not being capable to marque it enactment with the begetter of my kids."

Ultimately, she poses this mightiness beryllium wherefore she's inactive single. "I'd alternatively beryllium unsocial than not beryllium with the begetter of my kids," she explains. "It's intolerable to beryllium with anybody else. But I don't deliberation I tin beryllium with Tommy either. It's astir similar a punishment."

In her memoir, Anderson reflects that each of her relationships aft her divorcement from Lee "paled successful comparison," writing, "It was a losing battle. It wasn't the others' fault—they conscionable had nary shot. My narration with Tommy whitethorn person been the lone clip I was ever genuinely successful love."

Anderson writes astir however struggling to equilibrium each of her assorted responsibilities, including newlywed beingness and filming Baywatch and Barb Wire simultaneously, led her to statesman taking "speedy fare pills, ephedrine," that a person brought to her.

"I had ne'er been into harsh drugs," Anderson writes in Love, Pamela. "I liked however the pills kept maine awake, and I could get a batch much done. But the broadside effects meant I was losing value fast. I looked similar a bowlegged skeleton successful a bathing suit, 105 pounds astatine 5 ft seven."

The accent Anderson was nether yet pb to a scary moment: When she failed to amusement up to the Baywatch acceptable 1 time successful 1995, her operator recovered her unconscious astatine home.

"I had gotten into the bathtub the nighttime earlier and tried to swallow a vessel of Advil with vodka, dilatory sinking nether the water," Anderson reveals. "But luckily, I couldn't basal the sensation of hard intoxicant and the nausea forced maine retired of the tub. I threw up everything, each implicit the chromatic floor, and past fell dormant successful a excavation of Advil-red vomit. It indispensable person looked scary."

Anderson was taken to the hospital, wherever she and Lee learned that she was pregnant. 

"We were wholly blindsided, a blessed surprise," she recalls. "All was forgiven, and we fell into each other's arms successful blessed tears." But, aft a fewer weeks of bedrest, Anderson suffered a miscarriage, which near her and Lee devastated. "I blamed the pills," she writes. "The deficiency of sleep, the workload…everything."

Two of Anderson's six marriages person been to poker subordinate Rick Salomon.

In her book, Anderson details however she archetypal got romantically progressive with her longtime friend. After respective losing rounds of blackjack, she shares, 2 of her friends owed Salomon "a mates 100 1000 dollars." He agreed to forgive the indebtedness "if I joined him," she writes. "I thought helium was joking. And past helium upped the ante, helium threw successful that I'd person to person enactment with him, close then. Calling his bluff, I said, Okay!"

Anderson and Salomon yet "made love," she shared of that nighttime successful 2007, which she says past "led to thing much serious. Rick and I had an undeniable connection, and I knew that helium adored me. I inactive can't judge I said yes and followed through."

But successful Pamela, a Love Story, Anderson says Salomon "ended up being a bushed cause addict," and she ended their archetypal matrimony erstwhile she says she recovered a ace tube successful the Christmas tree. 

"He inactive to this time denies it," she says. "He says it's idiosyncratic else. Who other would person a ace tube successful the Christmas tree? Wasn't me. It wasn't me! It was annulled."

However, successful a connection to The New York Post, Salomon denied Anderson's allegation. 

"I smoked ace for 25 f--king years, but the ace tube successful the Christmas histrion was 1000% not mine," helium said. "[That] ace tube has thing to bash with me, but I americium a ace head."

After Salomon got sober (which helium has been for 15 years), the mates concisely reconciled and remarried successful 2014, but Anderson notes, "It didn't past agelong either."

In July 2006, Anderson joined stone prima Kid Rock (born Robert James Ritchie), overmuch to Lee's dismay. 

"When Kid Rock called Tommy to archer him that helium loved maine and wanted to wed me, Tommy told him to fuck off—and that he'd termination him," Anderson alleges successful her memoir. "But Bob and I started dating anyway. We broke up a fewer times, mostly owed to Tommy's interference oregon meddling, and I wasn't truthful definite I could instrumentality that adjacent step."

Despite her hesitations, Anderson joined Kid Rock on a yacht adjacent Saint-Tropez, France.

"We had a large time, we had amusive together. He was truly bully to the boys," Anderson reflects successful the documentary. "But I didn't consciousness similar this is emotion due to the fact that I person an content of what emotion is and this isn't it. We conscionable didn't person that height, that frenzy, that I was utilized to. I didn't privation thing little than that."

Anderson shares that 1 of the breaking points for the mates was a combat they got into astatine the Borat movie premiere, erstwhile she forgot to archer him that she referenced the enactment portion during her quality successful the movie. 

"Bob stormed out, calling maine a whore and worse," Anderson says. "He was embarrassed, and his absorption was not thought through." 

For the record, no, she hasn't profited 1 spot from that stolen enactment tape.

"We ne'er made a dime disconnected that and I hatred erstwhile radical accidental that we settled connected something," she stresses successful Pamela, a Love Story. "We ne'er settled connected anything. We conscionable told everyone to get lost. If anyone watches it, if anyone buys it, if anyone sells it, it's conscionable pathetic."

Not that immoderate magnitude of wealth would beryllium worthy the symptom and suffering.

"I was the punch enactment of a batch of jokes connected speech shows," the carnal rights activistic recalls. "It was ace humiliating. You go a caricature. I deliberation that was the deterioration of immoderate representation I had."

While radical made millions of dollars disconnected of the tape, Anderson says she has nary regrets astir not profiting disconnected of its release. "You could springiness maine hundreds of cardinal dollars, I would ne'er instrumentality it," she stresses. "Ever."

Count lad Brandon among those amazed she didn't cave.

"She would person made millions of dollars if she conscionable signed a portion of paper," The Hills: New Beginnings alum says. "Instead, she sat backmost with thing and watched her vocation fizzle into bladed air. She was successful indebtedness astir of her life."

After it was announced that Lily James and Sebastian Stan would beryllium starring successful Pam & Tommy, a constricted bid astir the infamous enactment tape, Anderson admits to having "nightmares" astir its merchandise and says she was ne'er contacted by the filmmakers. "They should've had to person my permission," she states, earlier revealing what Lee said erstwhile they talked astir the show. "He goes, 'Pamela, conscionable don't fto it wounded you arsenic overmuch arsenic it did the archetypal time.'"

In her autobiography, Anderson expands connected the immense toll that the tape's merchandise had connected her, Lee and their household members. 

"We endured years of embarrassment, harassment, and stress—not to notation what our families went through, our parents, our siblings, and however it affected our kids erstwhile they got older and were teased successful school," Anderson writes . "It is inactive a large origin of symptom for each of us. It ruined lives, starting with our relationship—and it's unforgivable that people, inactive to this day, deliberation they tin nett from specified a unspeakable experience, fto unsocial a crime."

After being introduced by the precocious manner decorator Vivienne Westwood, Anderson struck up a headline-making narration with the WikiLeaks laminitis and often visited him astatine the Ecuadorean embassy successful London anterior to his apprehension successful 2019.

Describing their relationship arsenic "invigorating, sexy and funny," Anderson writes that her "colorful conversations" with Assange "taught maine truthful overmuch astir the world."

As for the speculation astir the quality of their connection, Anderson dishes connected 1 "slightly frisky, fun, alcohol-induced night" the brace shared, that ended with them playfully discussing marriage.

"We joked astir getting hitched connected the beforehand steps of the embassy—maybe past they wouldn't apprehension him?" she ponders. "But past again, helium joked, wherefore would helium springiness up 1 situation for another?"

During her two play stint arsenic Lisa connected the '90s sitcom, Anderson claims that prima Tim Allen flashed her connected the set.

"On the archetypal time of filming, I walked retired of my dressing room, and Tim was successful the hallway successful his robe," she writes successful her memoir. "He opened his robe and flashed maine quickly—completely bare underneath. He said it was lone fair, due to the fact that helium had seen maine naked. Now we're even. I laughed uncomfortably."

Allen has since responded to the allegation, telling E! News successful a statement, "No, it ne'er happened. I would ne'er bash specified a thing."