Remembering Gloria Vanderbilt: 4 Things You Didn't Know About Her

It was a task Anderson Cooper had been dreading.

Three aft mom Gloria Vanderbilt passed distant astatine the property of 95, helium was tasked with cleaning retired immoderate 100 years of memories—belonging to her, her precocious husband, Wyatt, and Anderson's older brother, Carter—from the socialite's New York City apartment. 

As he sorted through Wyatt's pajamas and the outfit Gloria wore the time Carter died, helium felt incredibly alone. Not conscionable physically successful his mom's Upper East Side home, but besides successful his grief and the abruptly overwhelming work of keeping his family's past alive.

So, ever the storyteller, Anderson picked up his iPhone and deed record. "I recovered it adjuvant to commencement narrating," the Anderson Cooper 360 big shared successful an exclusive interrogation with E! News. "I was narrating this achy acquisition successful bid to assistance maine done it."

In turn, helium helped thousands of strangers. Because what started arsenic a simple voice enactment has turned into a earthy and profoundly idiosyncratic exploration of nonaccomplishment done his caller CNN podcast, All There Is.

"We don't speech astir it capable and not talking astir it compounds that loneliness and that symptom of grief," helium said. "It's taken years for maine to get to a spot wherever I tin talk astir it. I privation I had been capable to bash this sooner."

It's what I've recovered solace successful doing successful the three-plus years since my dada died, pushing myself to talk not lone astir him, but his decease without pause, without fearfulness of making others uncomfortable. So, together, Anderson and I dove close past the aboveground level successful a speech that unfolded successful 2 parts, with him pursuing done connected his committedness to telephone maine backmost aft a 60 Minutes gathering to decorativeness discussing however decease impacted the people of our lives. And however there's thing to beryllium gained successful loss.

For him, that travel began erstwhile helium was 10 and his dada Wyatt, a writer, died during unfastened bosom country astatine property 50. That January time successful 1978, "the calendars reset to twelvemonth zero," Anderson said. "The timepiece stopped, and a caller beingness began."

He doesn't callback overmuch from those days that followed—if you've been there, you apt understand—but rather, helium tin item what didn't happen.

"People didn't cognize however to talk to maine afterward," helium admitted. "I deliberation I hoped idiosyncratic would recognize I was suffering, and I wanted them to scope retired without maine having to accidental anything. But adjacent if they had tried, I don't deliberation I could talk astir my dad. I was blank."

Instead, helium turned his attraction to his mom, who, arsenic she built her denim empire, was often traveling portion Wyatt stayed home.  

"I abruptly recovered myself with a genitor who I didn't truly cognize arsenic good arsenic I knew the other," helium noted. "I became precise adjacent to her, but it was from a position of wanting to beryllium the steady, unchangeable beingness successful her life, which my dada had been." (On the Oct. 5 podcast episode, helium and Molly Shannon sermon those blurred lines betwixt genitor and kid that tin travel death.)  

Once outgoing, Anderson recovered himself retreating. "I utilized to accidental I americium a antithetic idiosyncratic than I was meant to be," helium mused. "I became overmuch much introverted and wary, observing much than participating. But I don't cognize that those are antagonistic things necessarily."

But different tidal question was coming. On July 22, 1988, his member Carter, 23, died by suicide, with Anderson later explaining Gloria attempted to prevention him arsenic helium jumped disconnected the terrace of her apartment. As the 21-year-old and his ma attempted to header with the unfathomable sadness, their grief became a sideshow. He distinctly remembers reporters camping retired extracurricular their home, and cameras pursuing them to Carter's wake.

While Wyatt's decease felt sudden, Carter's was, arsenic Anderson described, utterly shocking, clouded by a unit he's unsure helium volition ever travel to presumption with.

"It makes you wonder, did I adjacent cognize this person? What does it accidental astir a narration that I didn't cognize this was a possibility?" helium shared. "I conflict with that 34 years later. There are moments that inactive conscionable halt maine successful my tracks and it's similar a punch to the gut."

What astir remembering Carter for however helium lived and not however helium died, I asked.

"It's hard to get to that place, peculiarly if their decease was violent," helium responded. "He volition ever beryllium this 23-year-old. It's hard to ideate who helium would beryllium oregon what helium would beryllium doing today. I don't deliberation I'm determination yet successful being capable to flooded the circumstances of his decease and spot his beingness without it being successful the shadows of what happened."

Because, contempt what anyone says astir having to spell through it to get over it, successful reality, you're conscionable in it. There's nary extremity to grieving. You support going—and on the way, you anticipation to find immoderate metallic linings.

For Anderson, that was increasing person to his mom—and uncovering the spot to face her.

"She drank from clip to time, and it precise overmuch upset me," helium shared. "It was ne'er spoken about. But aft my brother's death, I said, 'Look, I can't person a narration with you arsenic I would similar to if you proceed to drink.' And so, she stopped."

It was the reset they needed, particularly arsenic the navigated their caller normal. "We some felt we were connected a beingness raft," the 18-time Emmy winner explained. "It made america rethink and betterment our narration successful a precise honorable and existent way."

Together, they kept that just-keep-swimming mentality going until the precise end. When Gloria was diagnosed with tummy crab successful 2019 and fixed weeks to live, Anderson remained by her side. Unlike with Wyatt and Carter, wherever helium felt truthful overmuch was near unsaid, thing was near connected the table.

"I was capable to expect my mom's death. I was capable to program for it and ideate my beingness without her," helium shared. "I was ready. We talked successful a precise real, honorable mode astir what laic up and what her decease would beryllium like. What was going to hap implicit the adjacent respective days and what her thoughts were. Would she spot my dada and my member again?"

Today, Anderson sees them—his mom, too—in sons Wyatt, 2, and Sebastian, 8 months, who helium co-parents with erstwhile spouse Benjamin Maisani.

"My boys look a batch similar my ma erstwhile she was a child, and my member looked a batch similar my mom," helium shared. "And, they person my dad's precise bluish eyes, which I have. It's this unthinkable circular instrumentality of life, arsenic cheesy and precise Lion King arsenic that sounds."

And erstwhile they look into his eyes—the ones that look truthful overmuch similar Wyatt's—he wants them to spot hope, a consciousness of healing.

"Having kids makes maine privation to beryllium the champion mentation of myself," Anderson said. "I don't privation determination to beryllium this unusual happening like, ‘Why is dada truthful weird astir his member oregon his ma oregon his dad? Why are we not allowed to speech astir it?' I don't privation determination to beryllium hidden sadness. So, successful doing this, I'm trying to larn and recognize arsenic overmuch arsenic anybody who is listening. And I conscionable anticipation I'm doing a bully capable job."

The outpouring of gratitude from listeners—yes, helium reads each DM, adjacent if helium doesn't respond—should beryllium capable proof. Through conversations with Stephen Colbert, Molly Shannon and more, Anderson is not lone navigating wherever helium is connected his ain grief journey, but besides validating the myriad of feels of those listening, myself included.

"There's nary bulls--t. It's not astir authorities oregon immoderate is playing retired successful popular culture. It's thing that's cardinal to who we are," helium said. "The symptom that is retired there, the nonaccomplishment that is retired there, it is deep. It's an water of grief and sadness."

And All There Is is his beingness raft. It's each of ours.

New episodes of All There Is are disposable each Wednesday.